


not like the movies

by emotionalpanda



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, being gay for perfume, judy thinking about jen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25596538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionalpanda/pseuds/emotionalpanda
Summary: Judy wants more but doesn’t think she deserves it.
Relationships: Judy Hale & Jen Harding, Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	not like the movies

Judy had noticed it before: that half sinking half flying moment of recognition, the lump in her throat that said _oh no, here we go again._

She had noticed it on that first day. The smell of Jen’s fancy floral perfume hit her nose like a bulldozer and Judy knew she was helpless to collapse into it.

It was inconvenient, really. Having a stupid little school girl crush on her housemate. The woman she was somehow raising two beautiful kids with, despite everything, somehow. Judy wasn’t sure how she got herself into this situation. It was like some fucked up rom-com, one that was perpetually stuck in the second act: when everything’s gone to hell but there’s that glimmer of hope that all the problems will get sorted out by the time the credits roll.

Maybe that was a stupid analogy. Why would she ever deserve a rom-com ending? She didn’t deserve a rom-com anything. She had gone and fucked it all up, like she always did. She always fucked things up, big and small; she could spend her whole lifetime saying sorry and it would never feel like enough.

So why was Jen starting to forgive her? How could Jen look at her with any softness in her eyes after what Judy did to her? It didn’t make any sense, not at all.

Sometimes it even felt like Jen might be flirting with her, which was really ridiculous, because Jen was probably straight. Sure, Jen hadn’t declared that she was straight out loud, but... it didn’t matter. Even if Jen Harding liked women, she wouldn’t go for Judy. Jen just tolerated Judy’s friendship because Judy made herself useful around the house.

Judy was determined to be good. Being good got you fed: a can of spaghettios left out on the kitchen counter instead of on the tall shelf where young hands couldn’t reach. Being good got you attention: a pat on the back instead of a sneer.

If Jen was going to love her, Judy wanted to earn it. But Jen wasn’t going to love her, at least not in the way Judy craved (at night, when the stars twinkled in a way that made her realize just how lonely she was after all).

Judy wasn’t going to tell Jen about her feelings; that would just cause more trouble. She didn’t want to be a trouble maker. She wanted to be a good fucking person, to stop getting everything all wrong.

In a quiet moment, when Jen wasn’t home, Judy picked up one of Jen’s button up shirts and held it up to her nose. The perfume made her stomach ache in the best way.

This would have to be enough, for now.

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes u just have to write short fics in ur phone notes while in a car


End file.
